Eurovision 2025: First Impressions (Feat. Chelsea)
✍️ • 🕑 • Series: Eurovision First Impressions • Tags: Eurovision • Eurovision 2025 • Music
Welcome back to yet another edition of “Eurovision First Impresions.”
Eurovision this year consists of 37 songs sent by 37 countries. (We lost Moldova, which is tragic because they were top tier!) Chelsea and I sat down and listened to each song in a row, thoughts with each other, and you all.
This year, we have a lot more countries singing in their native language, a profundity of dance beats, and somehow, four songs containing French and three containing Italian. Eurovision is a rave this year.
Let’s get into it!
Table of Contents
Semifinal One: First Half
Estonia: Tommy Cash - “Espresso Macchiato”
Steve:
So, we’re opening the whole thing with Estonia, and it’s from an artist I’ve actually heard of.
Chelsea:
What should I expect?
Steve:
Some kind of hyperpop rap type stuff. I mean, I’ve heard of him for years, but I’ve never bothered to seek him out or try to listen to his work. So, I probably don’t like it very much.
Chelsea:
Idk. Hyperpop sounds great.
The song combines a parodic pastiche of Italian music, with some sections with horns and a jazzy baseline. The whole thing is tied together with repeated refrains of “Espresso Macciato por favore/mi amore” and sung in a faux English-Italian mixture with lyrics like:
Mi like to fly privati with twenty-four carati
Also mi casa very grandioso
Mi money numeroso, I work around the clocko
That’s why I’m sweating like a mafioso
Steve:
I would put that in the Eurotrash pop category with the verses being in bad English intentionally.
Chelsea:
Bad English and really screwy Italian, really.
Steve:
I liked his dance moves a lot.
Chelsea:
I feel like especially in recent years, there have been entries that are impossible to take seriously and this is one of them. And that doesn’t mean that I don’t like it, because I loved it. I really enjoyed it. I thought it was a banger. And I really enjoyed his dance moves. But it was kinda cheesy.
Steve:
It basically came across as a parody of old Italian music. And I don’t think it landed for me, because I don’t hear old Italian music enough for it to have the cache where I would want to see it parodied.
Steve’s Ranking: Really didn’t do much for me
Chelsea’s Ranking: Other than the fact that you can’t take it seriously, you’ll probably hear me listening to it later.
Iceland: Væb - “Róa”
Chelsea:
I’m so excited. Please be good!
Thumping dance beats, auto-tuned singing, rap verses and a refrain with a nice fiddle make up this entry.
[ten seconds in]
Chelsea:
Love it!
[twenty seconds in]
Chelsea:
Yay I love that it’s in Icelandic.
[Chelsea is grinning ear to ear]
Chelsea:
The beat is a little tired. But obviously it’s Iceland, so it’s one of my favorties.
Chelsea:
Look at them with this weird fiddle being like oh yeah the Irish were here.
Steve:
I’ll take it over Lum!x. And I like the fiddle playing.
Chelsea:
I’m curious what the song’s about.
Steve:
I like this one. I don’t really care that it’s maybe a little tired.
Steve:
You want to look up what it means?
Chelsea:
The lyrics … they live a little to be desired, let me tell you. I looked up a translation.
Rowing, rowing through the waves. Nothing can stop me.
Rowing, rowing through the waves. Nothing can stop me.
Steve:
They sound like real intrepid explorers. With a message anyone can relate to. So heartwarming. [sarcasm]
Chelsea:
Yeah, so now I gotta figure out. Are they twelve?
Chelsea:
2003
Steve’s Ranking: I’d play that on my boat… but probably only once
Chelsea’s Ranking: Obviously, it’s Iceland, so I love it, but…
Poland: Justyna Steczkowska - “Gaja”
Poland’s entry is from Justyna Steczkowska, who previously represented Poland in Eurovision twenty years ago…
Poland brings us a leather-clad Justyna, belting out an electronic track as flames erupt from the stage repeatedly for what feels like the whole performance.
[two seconds in]
Steve:
This is over the top.
Chelsea:
Doesn’t this remind you of a recent entry from another country?
Steve:
Oh, she’s switched to English! It’s about how she’s Gaia! Bringer of life… which fits the tight black leather and all that.
Steve:
Like how many times are those flames going to go up?
Steve:
Oh my god she’s flying now.
Steve:
This is like every staging gimmick they can think of, speed run in three minutes to a hard electronic beat. I kind of love it. It’s definitely not good.
Chelsea:
It’s not great, it’s not great.
Chelsea:
Oh yeah, that was something else. I’m really curious how that would sound without visuals and how anxious it would make you?
Steve:
I feel this is the kind of shit I would listen to?
Chelsea:
Really?
Steve:
You know I love that Yellow Magic Orchestra song that I think sounds like a mix between Kirby Super Star and having a panic attack, right?
Chelsea:
I guess, but she was doing some weird stuff.
Steve:
I will definitely bop to this later.
Chelsea:
I look forward to it.
Steve’s Ranking: Stunning
Chelsea’s Ranking: I don’t think it was that good
Portugal: Napa - “Deslocado”
Next, the entry from Portugal…
[Ten seconds in]
Chelsea:
Okay, Jason Mraz.
[Fifteen seconds in]
Chelsea:
Nice pajamas.
Steve:
I mean, the vocals are nice, and I love the sound of Portuguese.
Chelsea:
I ain’t mad about it. I mean, I love Jason Mraz. Also, I wear pajamas most of the time.
Steve:
This chorus is going for a little more of a sixties thing.
Chelsea:
I liked that a lot.
Steve:
It was really nice, but not really something that I see myself gravitating towards. LIke, I liked that it had a lot of different changes to the rhythm and I think they did a lot with the rock band instrumentation. Every now and then, there was a fill I particularly liked. Harmony vocals were great. Piano added a lot. But, overall, I’m a bit prejudiced against throwbacky music.
Chelsea:
* eye roll *
* sneezes four times *
I do want to comment on the fact that I love throwbacky music and it’s very upsetting to hear you say that.
However, it was very singer-songwriter-y which isn’t my go-to listen, but I liked it for what it was, and I wouldn’t be mad if they got some more points.
Steve’s Ranking: Liked it for what it was
Chelsea’s Ranking: Liked it for what it was - and said that before Steve did!!
Slovenia: Klemen - “How Much Time Do We Have Left”
Slovenia presents us with a ballad about how we and our loved ones are all going to die. Charming.
This one is a ballad: acoustic guitar, piano, vocals. Orchestra, drums. You know the sound.
Steve:
So I did look this up, and he did have someone who died of a terminal illness which inspired the song.
Steve:
I like that we’ve change things up and gotten some ballad energy, but his voice is so weak. He cannot sustain that falsetto in the chorus.
Chelsea:
Maybe he’ll pull it out for Eurovision.
[Two men come out of stage left and right and hold Klemen upside down]
Steve:
What the fuck!
Chelsea:
He’s like, ooh, I can hit my notes better upside down, you guys.
Steve:
Personally if I was concerned about living my life to the fullest, I’d hope on a boat like those Iceland guys
[Bridge]
Steve:
I always like these bridges more than the rest of the song, because that’s when they put momentum in…
Steve:
That said, these lyrics are so cliched. Slovenia, you’re really letting us down.
Oh, I admire your power, I admire your will
The way you never gave up until you grew wings
And you learned how to fly, made a loop in the sky
You landed right into my arms
Chelsea:
That was full of things I really dislike. 1. Ballad 2. Really depressing things like how much time do you have left with your loved ones 3. Shaky vocals, like you’re watching someone karaoke and you’re like oh man, brah, you picked the wrong song. That’s my synopsis. I bet it will get votes because it’s sappy, though. Tbh.
Steve’s Ranking: I want to spend the time I have left listening to songs I like better than this one
Chelsea’s Ranking: I’d be okay if I didn’t listen to it again
Sweden: KAJ - “Bara bada bastu”
KAJ pulled a surprise win out of Sweden’s typically stale Melodifestivalen competition, beating out past Eurovision champ Måns Zelmerlöw.
This number is all about using the sauna and relaxing. Musically, it’s a fairly typical dancey pop song, but one with a nice flair brought on by the use of the accordion. Unusually for Sweden, it’s actually in Swedish which is a nice change of pace.
Steve:
So, I like the staging of this, and I like the visuals, and I like the concept, and I like that it’s in Swedish. But, musically, it really doesn’t do a thing for me. It’s also really, really repetitive.
Chelsea:
Again, hokey like “Espresso Maciatto” and at least it was in Swedish, and I thought it was a little catchier than the espresso song, actually. I’ll probably listen to it again, for sure.
Steve’s Ranking: Mid
Chelsea’s Ranking: Cheesy, but I looove cheese
Ukraine: Ziferblat - “Bird of Pray”
Next, the entry from Ukraine…
Ziferblat are a Ukranian rock band. This track takes typical ingredients of guitar, bass, drums, keys, and vocals, and puts them together into an inventive composition with some changes in rhythm and incredibly beautiful backing vocals.
[Twenty seconds in]
Chelsea:
I’m obsessed!! And you’re not allowed to say that you like it because you don’t like throwbacks!!
Steve:
It’s not a throwback!!
Chelsea:
What do you mean, it’s totally sixties.
Steve:
It’s more like prog rock.
[Metallic guitar solo]
Steve:
Sixties?
Chelsea:
There was a part that sounded like that! You can’t deny it.
[After the song]
Steve:
I don’t know where to start.
Chelsea:
Ukraine always kills it, and that was no different.
Steve:
The backing vocals are incredibly good. And if anything, I wish there were more of them. The whole performance is really tight with a lot of lovely rhythmic shifts. I also really liked the bass.
Steve’s Ranking: Favorite so far
Chelsea’s Ranking: Tens across the board
Semifinal One: Second Half
Albania: Shkodra Elektronike - “Zjerm”
Steve:
I loved visiting Shkodër, Albania, so I am pretty stoked that this group seems like they’re from there or named after there…
Albania often sends divas singing Balkan ballads to Eurovision. This year’s song is rather unique, combining elements of folk and electronic music.
Steve:
That effect where he hits the electronic pad and it glows orange is so, so so, cheesy. She doesn’t need anyone to hold her upside down. She’s got it!!
Chelsea:
He is all up on that microphone.
Steve:
Yeah. His vocals did not od a thing for me. Which odd because the combo of her vocals and stage presence and the music makes me not care that she doesn’t quite hit her notes.
Chelsea:
Her not hitting her notes is really bothering me. It is a really fun song though.
Steve:
So, I gotta say I love the group is named after, and it makes me happy that it’s a real nice banger. It’s probably my second-favorite so far, but I really doubt it will stay there.
Chelsea:
I thought it was a banger. I can’t wait to hear the studio version… where she probably hits her notes.
Steve’s Ranking: Really dug it
Chelsea’s Ranking: It’ll be on my playlist
Azerbaijan: Mamagama - “Run with U”
Azerbaijan presents us with a music video about manufacturing a singer.
This mid-tempo disco-influenced pop song features a major key saz breakdown.
Steve:
This looks like they spent a ton of money on this music video for some reason.. And it sounds like Daft Punk.
[Vocals start, Chelsea is visually dismayed]
Chelsea:
I wish that this didn’t sound like a prepubescent Justin Timberlake singing, because I’d really like it.
Steve:
It really just sounds like “Get Lucky.” (Particularly in the verses.)
Chelsea:
Yeah, but I like that song. I’m excited to see what their live performance of this will be like.
Steve:
I do at least like the saz. The music video is dumb. But not really in an entertaining way.
Chelsea:
I was really hoping that when they brought the saz out, and the singer “became human” that there would have been a cool breakdown with that instrument. But there wasn’t.
Steve’s Ranking: Well-executed but derivative and forgettable
Chelsea’s Ranking: It’s gonna probably be on my top
Belgium: Red Sebastian - “Strobe Lights”
Yes, Belgium’s Red Sebastian did have that red crab Sebastian from Disney’s The Little Mermaid in mind when he chose his moniker.
This song brings us our first bona fide dance club track of the year.
Alice, show me your hand
Take it to Wonderland
Steve:
* Laughs * Oh, Alice in Wonderland, huh?
He’s cute in the elevator with his glasses on.
Chelsea:
He gives me vibes where I think that I would look like this if I was a guy.
Chelsea:
I’m not mad about this song. Not gonna lie.
Steve:
I feel like it did a really good job taking a tired electronic beat and actually upping the ante as the song went on. Like the beat was very powerful and energized at the song in a way it wasn’t at the beginning, and that’s a lot better than all of these artists whose choruses and verses are virtually interchangeable. You could not splice the end of that song into the beginning and have it flow.
Chelsea:
I think that is very well put. The beginning – although I liked it throughout – reminded me of some club tune type of thing, but it really became its own by the end. And I liked it a lot.
Steve:
Me too.
Steve’s Ranking: Bopping in the cotton candy haze
Chelsea’s Ranking: Top bop
Croatia: Marko Bošnjak - “Poison Cake”
Is Croatia’s confection delicious or deadly?
Chelsea:
I love cake! But I don’t love poison. So let’s see how it goes?
[Song starts]
Chelsea:
Oh god.
Steve:
To me this is aggro in all the wrong ways. Generic trap beat chorus with thumpy sub-bass. Ridiculous high pitched lullaby-esque bridge to the break… but… it’s growing on me. Because I like the bridge to the chorus… But definitely not the “Take a bite of my POISON CAKE” parts.
Chelsea:
“I lost control when I started to bake.” That’s me.
Steve:
So there’s half of a song that I like in there… Actually, that’s far too generous. Like an eighth.
Chelsea:
I don’t even know what to say about this, because like, I’m not going to eat your poision cake. I’m so sorry if you worked hard on it but…
Steve:
Did any part of that do it for you?
Chelsea:
No.
Steve’s Ranking: I’m allergic
Chelsea’s Ranking: Not my piece of cake
Cyprus: Theo Evan - “Shh”
Gonna keep real quiet about Cyprus’s entry…
Theo Evan bring us another club banger, one in which he asks us…
“If you know my name, could you keep it a secret.”
Which has to be one of the most ridiculous lyrics this year, especially considering that he’s not anonymous or anything. (He is, though, singing about how he’s real arresting and mysterious and beautiful in the verses so, I guess that’s why we got to keep his identity hush hush.)
Chelsea:
This is annoying because I fucking love the verses but I hate the chorus and the pre-chorus.
Steve:
I hate the verses and I like the pre-chorus.
Chelsea:
Really? You like the hush hush part?
Steve:
Yeah, I do.
Chelsea:
It could grow on me.
Steve:
Honestly this one also is doing a decent job of escalating at the end. God, I really feel like Eurovision this year is a rave. What happened?
Chelsea:
If Eurovision this year is a rave, bring it! I really enjoyed that song.
Steve:
Me too. I feel like Cyprus usually brings something polished to Eurovision. And this is polished.
Chelsea:
Yeah. It was really great.
Steve’s Ranking: Solid banger
Chelsea’s Ranking: One of my tops
Netherlands: Claude - “C’est la vie”
This year, the Netherlands is represented by Congolese singer Claude, who often sings in a mix of French and Dutch. This song, though, is in a mix of French and English.
This song opens as a straight ahead ballad, with just piano and vocals, before opening up into a ballad-pop hybrid with a four to the floor beat.
Chelsea:
I wasn’t gonna be mad if that was a ballad, and that surprised me! I like his voice a lot, and I really liked the song. It didn’t really fit into the rave aesthetic we have going on. I would have been okay if it was a ballad, but it was more upbeat than that. All and together, pretty phenomenal.
Steve:
I really liked the piano opening - and how that part came back at the ending coming back together.
Steve’s Ranking: Really liked it
Chelsea’s Ranking: Pheomenally Fabulous
Norway: Kyle Alessandro - “Lighter”
Next, the entry from Norway…
Four-to-the-floor Eurotrash dance pop.
[Ten seconds in]
Steve:
I like this one.
Chelsea:
We’ll see. You like a good walking song.
[Chorus hits]
Nothing can burn me now
(Eh-Eh-Eh-Eh)
I’ll be my own lighter
Chelsea:
You still like it?
Steve:
It’s a pop bop. Straight up, I do like it.
Chelsea:
GOOD BECAUSE YOU KNOW I AM GOING TO BE LISTENING TO THIS ON REPEAT.
Steve:
It doesn’t really stand out from other songs that do this, like I dunno, “Replay” from 2019…
Chelsea:
Oh, babe, I listen to “Replay” all the time still.
Steve:
Well, I like it. Stupid chorus and all.
Steve’s Ranking: Pop bop
Chelsea’s Ranking: Nothing can bring him down cause he’s his own lighter.
San Marino: Gabry Ponte - “Tutta l’Italia”
I think the story behind this entry is pretty funny. Italy has a national song competition (where they pick the Eurovision entrant) and it’s a pretty big deal. Gabry Ponte (part of the crew behind Eiffel 65’s “Blue”) composed this entry to serve as the theme song for Italy’s song competition. And then, I guess he decided to enter it into San Marino’s song competition for yacks, where it won.
So San Marino is sending Italy’s theme song.
Will it give Eiffel 65 vibes?
And so we get a club beat, some tired singing, and some occasional accordion.
Steve:
On the one hand, I liked it, but on the other hand, it felt like it went on for far more than three minutes. Like it definitely would have worked better as an excerpt for a theme song. It has a nice beat. It has nice synth sounds. It is a better electronic dance send up for Italy than whatever the fuck Tommy Cash was doing. I wasn’t upset to be listening to it, but it wasn’t really gripping for its whole length. Moreover, the music video, with its white cube set for old ladies sniffing basil leaves and kids on scooters brought very little to the affair.
Chelsea:
I just think San Marino always brings something very silly, and the fact that they brought Italy’s theme song is the silliest! I liked the song. I definitely won’t be listening to it on repeat, but the energy was good.
Steve’s Ranking: Good, but not great
Chelsea’s Ranking: Y’know, it was… it was… good
Semifinal Two: First Half
Armenia: Parg - “Survivor”
Armenia sends us some pop metal about surviving…
I’m a survivor, stay-aliver
Do or die, in my prime, I’m a fighter
I’m a survivor, won’t be tied up
Break from the pain, take your place
I’ll remind ya
[15 seconds in]
Steve:
What does this remind me of? “I Can’t Be Tamed” BY Miley Cyrus…
[Chorus Hits]
Steve:
Ok this is sort of trying to be Miley Cyrus and then also pop metal? I mean, it is
Chelsea:
And there’s also some rap in there.
Steve:
It’s kind of amazing that this transitioned into completely traditional Eurovision bridge/breakdown, like it was a fucking ballad.
Steve:
…and then back to the metal-esque chorus.
Chelsea:
That was terrible. I didn’t like it at all.
Steve’s Ranking: Does nothing for me
Chelsea’s Ranking: I hope he doesn’t survive the semi-finals.
Australia: Go-Jo - “Milkshake Man”
You can tell that Chelsea and I were feeling a little under the weather when we did this, because somehow, she did not complain about how Australia is in the competition but not Europe before we listened to this song!
And here we have it, a dancey pop song about how the whole world need’s to drink this guy’s milk. Is it a parody of the sort of sexual bravado typically espoused in pop songs? Maybe, but by virtue of its own lyrics, it’s a bit uncomfortable.
[1:30 in]
Steve:
You must love this because musically it’s a throwback.
Chelsea:
What’s it a throwback to?
Steve:
’60s, with those backing vocals, ’80s with those synth stings.
Chelsea:
*silence*
[song ends]
Chelsea:
Well, it was a little gross, because I don’t want his milk, but… it was kinda fun.
Steve:
Yeah, like I feel like that was a completely passable pop song, but I definitely did not like the concept at all. I do not need to repeat “Sweet Sweet / Yum Yum” to a cloying man who wants me to drink his milk. Not happening, sunshine.
Chelsea:
Agreed
Steve:
I would rather drink his milk than eat a poison cake though.
Chelsea:
Agreed
Steve’s Ranking: Smells a little off
Chelsea’s Ranking: Poppy boppy, but cannot take it seriously
Austria: JJ - “Wasted Love”
JJ may have had some wasted love, but hopefully this entry won’t be a waste of his energy or our time listening to it.
Steve:
This song has a world-class opening, an absolutely incredible sappy couplet.
I’m an ocean of love
and you’re scared of water
Steve:
And so I am immediately predisposed to love it.
[Incredible high pitched, operatic singing hits in the pre-chorus]
Steve:
Dear god, that just sounds incredible.
[Rhythm after that hits.]
Steve:
Hmm whatever.
Steve:
Holy shit the transition between traditional Eurovision Ballad and dance banger was sooooo good. I absolutely LOVED the way they incorporated the vocal sound into the beat.
[Song ends]
Chelsea:
I bet Eurovision will like that.
Steve:
I liked that a lot. Did you like that?
Chelsea:
It was kinda boring. It was a ballad and then they made it techno for thirty seconds at the end. It did nothing for me. I do think it’s a good song, just not for me.
Steve’s Ranking: Loved it
Chelsea’s Ranking: Didn’t really care about it
Greece: Klavdia - “Asteromata”
Klavdia provides us with a song in Greek about refugees’ connections to their homeland. It’s a somewhat slower tempoed, more somber affair, blending elements of a ballad with an electronic pop song. With lyrics like:
My sweet mom, don’t you cry
even if they put black clothes on you
My faded body is not
defeated by the flames
The swallows of fire
even if they cross the seas
they never forget
the soil of their roots
Chelsea:
I liked that one.
Steve:
I liked that one too. I thought it had really nice production. In particular, I liked the bloopy synth that sometimes served as an accent, and I liked the beat.
Chelsea:
It was a ballad I could get behind.
Steve’s Ranking: Solid
Chelsea’s Ranking: Really really nice
Ireland: Emmy - “Laika Party”
Naturally, Ireland sends us a Norwegian singer, but one of the four credited songwriters was Irish and not Norwegian, so…
This one really reminds me of an early ’00s dance throwback, like a novelty song, but one whose purpose is more to get you to dance and have a good time, with nice trancey saw wave hooks, and a drop which has these lyrics:
Bam-bam, ba-da-dam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam
Ba-da-dam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam
Ba-da-dam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam
Ba-da-dam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam
Ba-da-dam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam
Ba-da-dam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam
Ba-da-dam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam
The elephant in the room though is the song’s subject, Laika, the dog famously sent on a one-way trip to space by the Soviet Union in 1957, where she died of hypothermia in Earth’s orbit.
Steve:
I have to say, I find it really teateless to sing a song about a dead dog as a weak excuse to set up the pun “Laika Party in the Sky.” Now, if I disconnect the lyrics from the end product, it is a very nice, albeit kinda generic throwback pop bop. I could definitely really see myself listening to it. But, damn, why do I feel annoyed on behalf of Laika?
Chelsea:
I thought it was a bop. I thought it was really silly to be singing about a space dog, but I thought it was cute.
Steve’s Ranking: Pop Bop
Chelsea’s Ranking: I’d Party In The Sky With Laika
Latvia: Tautumeitas - “Bur man laimi”
Latvia brings us one of the year’s most unique entries.
Steve:
We have ethereal women wandering through a dark forest, singing vocal harmonies atop jungle beats. What is not to like?
Chelsea:
This reminds me of Animal Collective.
Steve:
This does feel like the kind of thing people won’t vote for because THEY’RE IDIOTS.
Chelsea:
I was just thinking about how this probably won’t go very far, but I love it.
Steve:
This is seriously a contendor for my favorite so far.
Chelsea:
That was awesome.
Steve’s Ranking: Magical
Chelsea’s Ranking: Fantastical
Lithuania: Katarsis - “Tavo akys”
Lithuania sends…
…a morose rock song.
[Ten seconds in]
Chelsea:
This is gonna give me a headache.
Steve:
It feels kind of downbeat in a way where I just want to put the singer out of his misery.
Chelsea:
Maybe with a different singer it could have been something else, but yeah.
Steve:
He was off key a bunch and it really did not help.
Chelsea:
That’s for sure.
Steve’s Ranking: Forgettable
Chelsea’s Ranking: I need advil
Montenegro: Nina Žižić - “Dobrodošli”
Next, the entry from Montenegro…
Montenegro gives us a pop-ballad, definitely not a rave song. This one has some fancy production and powerful vocals.
Steve:
I absolutely love the fake brass string in the intro. And the pre-chorus build up has a nice beat/rhythm/melody to it. And, those are probably the two parts of any song I am most likely to love. But hey, this chorus hits too. She does have good vocal control.. even if it sounds like they dubbed a studio recording over this live video, making it really, really awkward.
Chelsea:
I like her voice, and I think this is really compelling and it works, but it’s going to take a lot of vocal power to make it work live.
Steve:
On the other hand, she did win a national song competition singing it live.
Steve’s Ranking: I really liked that
Chelsea’s Ranking: I’ll be a ballad girlie for this one
Semifinal Two: Second Half
Czechia: Adonxs - “Kiss Kiss Goodbye”
Czechia brings us a music video where Adonxs has to “Kiss Kiss Goodbye” before… becoming the first time traveller.
Adonxs brings a lovely baritone vocal to the table, married with modern production, in another pop-ballad with a rave-y bridge. Hey, don’t change what works, Eurovision producers!
Chelsea:
I like this one I think. I like his voice a lot.
[Dance break down]
Steve:
Oh yes, every Eurovision song this year needs to have a dance breakdown. How did they all decide on this?
Chelsea:
I don’t know but I like it.
[End of song]
Steve:
Yeah, I liked it, but it doesn’t stand out to me in any way. Like, it reminds me of a lot of things I’ve heard in the competition before. So, I would put it somewhere towards the middle of the pack.
Chelsea:
Okay, I could agree with that.
Steve’s Ranking: Solid
Chelsea’s Ranking: Kiss Kiss Hello
Denmark: Sissal - “Hallucination”
Next, the entry from Denmark…
[Sissal enters, singing with minimal accompaniement about seeing colors she’s never seen before.]
Chelsea:
Oh no, this looks like a ballad
[Four to the floor beat and distorted synths enter]
Steve:
You should have assumed it’s a rave. I mean, it is this year’s Eurovision.
And yes indeedy, this is definitely a clubby dancesong, but one featuring a vocal part that is perhaps more intense than most in the genre.
Steve:
If Iceland sent this, you’d probably be loving this as much as “Scared of Heights,” Chels.
Chelsea:
She came in a little off key and it made me a little nervous, but she’s taken hold of it and I like it.
Steve:
Yeah, she has powerful voice and it matches well with the somewhat generic dance backing.
Chelsea:
She is giving me Adele vibes… until it breaks out into the ’90s dance song.
Steve:
Yeah that break out is definitely the best part of the song.
Chelsea:
That was pretty good. The beginning had me worried but by the end I liked it.
Steve:
Agreed.
Steve’s Ranking: Solid
Chelsea’s Ranking: Enjoyed it a lot
Finland: Erika Vikman - “Ich komme”
Erika Vikman has a German title, but sings in Finnish. Don’t worry though, the theme of the song is pretty clear in any language. The title translates to “I’m Coming.” And it’s about sex.
This is definitely a more electronic, dancy track, but if you played it at a club it would confuse the hell out of everyone. The chorus marries metal-esque choral backing vocals with a big happy major key melody. The verses have a bit of tango influence.
Chelsea:
When that first started, I was very prepared to be like, “what is that shit? I hate it!” but it was so good. There was something so lovely, like how Iron Maiden wants to be rough and tough and give off a persona of being tough and metal, but they’re like straight up pop. And that’s what this was like and it was so awesome.
Steve:
Yeah! I really enjoyed it. I feel like it was structurally a bit messy.
Steve’s Ranking: Real solid
Chelsea’s Ranking: Definitely don’t hate it
Georgia: Mariam Shengelia - “Freedom”
Georgia’s ruling government is cracking down on citizen’s freedoms and cozying up to Russia, so naturally they send a vocally pro-Russia singer to sing a song about “Freedom,” provoking much ire in the YouTube comments.
It’s another ballad-pop song.
Chelsea:
Okay, so that one, unfortunately I wanted to like more than I did. At first I thought, ugh, ballad. But then I was like, okay, it’s getting powerful. But I feel like the music and her vocals didn’t align correctly in a way. I wouldn’t axe her, but definitely not one of my favorites.
Steve:
Yeah, I feel like I liked it, but less than most of the things we’ve heard lately. Musically, it was going a bit too much for a kind or broadway muscial sound that I didn’t think quite worked with the energy and beat.
Chelsea:
She has a great voice though.
Steve:
No denying that. Also, it’s my easy fave from the Caucasus.
Steve’s Ranking: Good but not good enough
Chelsea’s Ranking: Forgettable
Israel: Yuval Raphael - “New Day Will Rise”
Israel is still in Eurovision, and still engaged in ethnically cleansing Palestians. Despite any arguments about “both sides” they are disproportionately powerful in this conflict, violating ceasefires, and completing atrocities.
I do not see any reason why they should be in Eurovision when Russia was removed after their invasion of Ukraine. Last year, we did not listen to the Israeli entry, nor the Eurovision song competition proper in protest of Israel’s involvement. Nothing has changed in last year, except an ostensible ceasefire and more restrictions on anti-Israel protest in the United States.
Luxembourg: Laura Thorn - “La poupée monte le son”
Luxembourg brings us our second French song.
Here we have it, a dance pop song with orchestral backing in the verses, and a catchy chorus. And, I guess, staging where Laura is a doll surrounded by three men in red suits until she gets a tired outfit change reveal into a sparkly leotard and gets a few lady dancers up there with her too.
Chelsea:
She’s gonna get blasted like Mae Miller did for not being able to sing. Yeah, bye.
Steve:
I thought the na na na na’s in the chorus were the best part of the song.
Chelsea:
That was the part where she was most off-key!
Steve:
Honestly, this would be much better if the singing was there.
Steve’s Ranking: Say na na na
Chelsea’s Ranking: Bye
Malta: Miriana Conte - “Serving”
Malta’s entry was originally titled “Kant” after the Maltese word for song. If you can believe it, someone complained about the original chorus which includes the refrain of “Serving Kant,” but don’t worry you can find that version of the song on streaming platforms.
This song basically sounds like it could be a top 40 dance pop song from America, with a solid drop.
Steve:
Alright, that was basically flawless.
Chelsea:
I loved that. It would have been more flawless if they let her keep ‘Kant’ in there.
Steve:
Yeah, but it still worked.
Steve’s Ranking: Winner material
Chelsea’s Ranking: BAR
Serbia: Princ - “Mila”
Serbia pines for Mila…
Steve:
This is a heartfelt love ballad… so I’m just going to pretend he’s singing to Sarah’s dog (Mila).
Chelsea:
He looks like he belongs on the cover of a romance novel.
[Song Ends]
Chelsea:
I did not like that.
Steve:
Coming after so many high energy, memorable songs, this one really doesn’t cut it. I’m sure it’s heartfelt and wonderful, but he’s definitely not on key all the time, and musically, I love neither his voice nor the composition.
Chelsea:
Spot on, Steve!
Steve’s Ranking: Zzzzz
Chelsea’s Ranking: No wonder Mila left him… (I actually don’t know that Mila left him, but it seems that way, and I woulda done that if I was Mila.)
Automatic Qualifiers
Did your country win Eurovision last year and/or Do you pay an outsized amount of money to the European Broadcasting Union?
If so, you get to skip semifinals, and go directly to the final.
Switzerland: Zoë Më - “Voyage”
Switzerland won last year, and brings us… our third French song.
Switzerland brings us a ballad, with piano and orchestral backing and barely any drums. We are in true ballad territory here, folks.
Steve:
What is with Switzerland and having the most beautiful sounding French singers?
Chelsea:
Very interesting she does have a really beautiful voice.
Steve:
So, I’m really glad that someone sent a ballad that both killed it and DIDN’T HAVE A RAVE IN THERE.
Chelsea:
She did kind of just repeat the same thing over and over again though.
Steve:
Yeah, I was really hoping I’d feel like it was another Gjon’s Tears, but that it wasn’t. Still liked it.
Steve’s Ranking: Solid
Chelsea’s Ranking: Pretty lovely
United Kingdom: Remember Monday - “What the Hell Just Happened?”
The UK brings us three ladies singing a pop rock song about the aftermath of a rioutous party.
Chelsea:
I liked that. I’m surprised that the UK finally sent something that I enjoyed. (I mean don’t get me wrong, I liked “Dizzy” but that was a lot of fun.) It is weird that the opening/chorus basically sounds like an end of song creshendo, though.
Steve:
I’d say that this song throws a lot of ideas at the wall, and none of them are particularly strong. It’s a mess of things I’ve heard before. Like, the melody in the verses sounds like it’s lifted from “I’m Alright” by Billy Joel. And certainly none of the lyrics rise above cliché. How many times have I heard about people breaking heels and kissing strangers at crazy parties.
Steve’s Ranking: Pass
Chelsea’s Ranking: Keep
Germany: Abor & Tynna - “Baller”
Chelsea:
Germany never sends anything good.
Germany sends us a German-language club banger with some cello and processed vocals.
[Ten seconds in]
Steve:
Love the cello. This slaps.
It’s really well put together, with a fantastic sounding bass, hard hitting, processed vocals, and cello that just elevates the whole damn thing.
I could really see myself listening to this, possibly a lot more than a lot of other songs this year. (Hindsight tells me that “Lights Out” was my most listened to track from 2022.)
Do I care that it did very little to change the dynamics as the song went on?
Nope, because I just liked it was doing that much.
Chelsea:
Yeah, she definitely reminded me of a German Charli. I loved it.
Steve’s Ranking: Top bop
Chelsea’s Ranking: This will be on repeat for us both
Italy: Lucio Corsi - “Volevo essere un duro”
Our last Italian song is, of course, from Italy. Here, the music video tells a story about a kid who really idolizes Lucio Corsi and “misbehaves.” It’s rather impressive that it escalates to parodying The Exorcist in its attempt to get the kid to turn his stero down.
Steve:
Unsurprisingly, the best song in Italian this year… comes from Italy proper, with a perfect hybrid between glam rock and a Eurovision ballad. It has a fantastic arrangement, and lovely singing.
Chelsea:
I loved that.
Steve’s Ranking: Loved it
Chelsea’s Ranking: Really loved it
Spain: Melody - “Esa diva”
Will Spain use its automatic qualifing status for something good or something mediocre?
Spain sends us a ballad-rave hybrid, where a quiet opening makes way for a thumping dance beat. Castanets and guitars occasionally pop up, buried in the mix so that we don’t forget it’s Spain…
[Earlier in the song]
Chelsea:
Is this diva gonna stay as a ballad?
Steve:
Of course not.
Chelsea:
This is boring.
[The chorus hits, and the song becomes a rave]
Steve:
She’s singing at like 100% power this whole chorus.
Chelsea:
Okay, maybe this song is not as boring as I thought.
Steve:
You’re just a sucker for the hard-hitting dance beat.
Chelsea:
Yeah, you caught me.
Steve:
I mean, I am too. I am digging it.
[The song wraps up]
Steve:
Yeah, so I liked that…
Chelsea:
I liked it too. I was really preparing myself to not like it, but it was pretty catchy…
Steve:
But I would definitely put it below the average dance track.
Chelsea:
Yeah, it’s no “Shhh” or “Lighter”
Steve’s Ranking: Solid
Chelsea’s Ranking: I’d dance to it
France: Louane - “maman”
France provokes some special ire, because they were the last country to release their Eurovision tune, making us wait until we were a bit under the weather to commence our listening.
And here we have it, our last song. A ballad with orchestral backing. Between the timing, and the production of the video, it’s easy to get the impression that France intends its entry to be an event…
[The video starts]
Chelsea:
Shit. She has a marching band?
Steve:
She just really wants to be the opening act for a football match, that’s what I’m getting.
Chelsea:
Well, it’s a ballad.
Steve:
Yeah, and it’s totally fine, but it’s an underwhelming note to end this thing on.
Chelsea:
Yeah.
[Chorus Hits]
“Ma maaaaaaaaan Ma maaaaaaaa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-n”
Steve:
I hate that chorus.
Steve’s Ranking: Did not like it
Chelsea’s Ranking: Did not like it at all
Preliminary Favorites
And so, there we have it. An unusually inventive, somewhat dancy year for Eurovision.
After giving the tracks a few more listens, these countries’ entries are the ones we are feeling most excited about:
Chelsea
Top Top: Latvia, Ukraine, Germany, Malta, Azerbijan
Top: Cyprus, Estonia, Italy, Norway, Belgium
Still Rad: Finland, UK, Portugal, Netherlands, Albania
Steve
Top Top: Latvia, Germany, Ukraine, Ireland, Italy
Top: Albania, Finland, Greece, Montenegro, Portugal
Still Rad: Cyprus, Poland, Belgium, Malta, Czechia
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Thanks for reading!
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