Eurovision 2024: First Impressions (feat. Chelsea)

• Series: Eurovision First Impressions • Tags: EurovisionEurovision 2024music

Spring has arrived, and with it, the 2024 edition of the Eurovision song competition. This year’s competition brings back Luxembourg after a thirty year absence, whilst losing Romania’s participation. Each participating country sends one song, with required live singing. Eventually, after much asinine number crunching, a winner is chosen, and hosts the next year’s competition. This year, Sweden is the host.

This post is our annual entry in a series of posts covering Eurovision First Impressions. The rules are that I write my impressions/feelings down about each song, listening to them all together for the first time.

I’d love to pretend that 2024’s Eurovision snuck up on me, that I wasn’t waiting with bated breath for the final stragglers to finally release their songs, but alas, I am exactly as desparate for new Europop bops in my life as regular readers know me to be.

Once again, Chelsea joins me in this endeavor.

I’ve sorted the songs by the order that they will be performed (as it is currently best known), but this table of contents should assist with warping to any particular song of interest.

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First Semifinal, First Half

Croatia : Baby Lasagna - “Rim Tim Tagi Dim”

Croatia’s intriguingly named Baby Lasagna starts us off…

Baby Lasagna - Rim Tim Tagi Dim | Croatia 🇭🇷 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


We open with a fun music video about a dumb hick eager to move to the city, or to emigrate, and try to get all smart and sophisticated.

I like this song a lot better knowing what it’s about, and also because it has kind of an infectious, poppy chorus. It fits in well with the poppy/quasi-metal thing that’s been popular in Eurovision for a while, e.g. “Cha Cha Cha”. Otherwise, the music is less “my thing,” and yet it’s immediately stuck in my head. Backing vocals are nice. The piano coda is really lovely.

I’d have liked it more if it was in Croatian though.


Here, I was thinking Baby Lasagna might be a rapper, but then it was like pop-punk metal, but then he was rapping on top of it.

That was great!

Steve’s Ranking: Really nice, definitely a contender

Chelsea’s Ranking: Could be a favorite

Cyprus : Silia Kapsis - “Liar”

Will Silia Kapsis cry “Liar” when she sees the final Eurovision results? Let’s listen and discuss…

Silia Kapsis - Liar | Cyprus 🇨🇾 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


There’s nothing about this song that should elevate it above the masses of Eurotrash dance pop. It has a lot of derivative sounds. But, the production is modern, and it’s full of terrible derivative things that I like so, I can’t complain.

The lyrics are some generic stuff about how she should have known a dude was a liar.

The verses have a really nice shuffle to the beat.

I wonder if this song is going to bring back some “dance break” staging a la Noa and Chanel and all.


Are there any actual Cypriots? Why did they send an Australian?

And I’m also very curious about who created the choreography for that dance. There are a lot of weird boob swipes. I liked it.

Steve’s Ranking: I like it, but I feel it will get old

Chelsea’s Ranking: I think you’re a liar

Ireland : Bambie Thug - “Doomsday Blue”

Next, the entry from Ireland, which got conservative ire for being “satanic” and “showing Irish nationality in a bad light”

Bambie Thug - Doomsday Blue | Ireland 🇮🇪 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


The first victory is that Ireland has sent something interesting for once instead of their typical stuff that sounds like it could be repurposesd as contemporary christian music.

Positively psychotic. An electric switch from a screamy, whispery, feedback filled voices to an acoustic guitar and beat driven chorus, with a metal-influenced breakdown. I personally am looking forward to seeing some screaming on the Eurovision stage.


I’m obsessed. It was super witchy!

The harsher parts of the song aren’t necessarily my thing, but the chorus, and the way it seamlessly switches between the acoustic and the ‘witchcore’ elements is super dope. The chorus is really beautiful in my opinion.

And also, Bambie Thug is super cute. I really like their esthetic.


As much as appreciate its uniqueness, it’s probably not a song I can see myself playing regularly.


Ooh! Hot take.

Steve’s Ranking: Scratchy whispers of “this is okay” over some feedback

Chelsea’s Ranking: Spellbound

Lithuania : Silvester Belt - “Luktelk”

Silvester Belt overtook fierce competition in the Lithuanian national final, including from past entrants The Roop, to bring this song to the Eurovision stage…

Silvester Belt - Luktelk | Lithuania 🇱🇹 | National Final Performance | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


I like the lower-key opening of the song. I love that it’s in Lithuanian.

The synth arpeggios in the background during the quieter parts are definitely my thing, as are the build up. But the chorus and pre-chorus feel a bit too much like a generic dance floor hard-hitter for me to love it.


It’s interesting that you say that, because I think I felt like this had promise because it was in Lithuanian. And then, I felt like it was really boring.

But, when the chorus came in, I thought okay, I could see myself listening to this on repeat and getting Lithuanian words stuck in my head and singing them over and over again.

Would I listen to it, and would it get stuck in my head? Yes.


Okay, I do like the “Luktelk” part, but like I am generally way more into the parts without the heavy dance beat.


Yeah, but those don’t have words that I could probably get stuck in my head.

Steve’s Ranking: A mixed bag

Chelsea’s Ranking: Looking forward to sorting out the bag

Poland : Luna - “The Tower”

Will Luna’s “The Tower,” be frightening and foreboding like the tarot card of the same name?

LUNA - The Tower | Poland 🇵🇱 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


This gives me… Swedish 2010’s electropop vibes.

I was a little unsure at first about the chorus, with its sing-song rising notes, but y’know what, I’m just so sympathetic towards this type of electronic bop that it immediately got a pass from me. It’s a nicely produced, anthemic little bop, I guess with empowerment themes.

“I’m the one who builds the tower.”
“I’m the one who has the power.”


Oh! I also love it it’s on my top right now. I’m just so proud of Poland. Good job, guys!

She’s also really interesting looking. She’s really attractive. I really hope that she can pull off this vocal part live.

Steve’s Ranking: Likeable, but not a winner

Chelsea’s Ranking: Nothing foreboding here

Serbia : Teya Dora - “Ramonda”

Serbia’s Teya Dora won after a fierce country-internal competition.

(My favorite recent Eurovision compeititor, Konstratka, was also in the throws, and literally performed a song called “New, Better” that sounded was an intentional retread of her 2022 entry. #Satire)

TEYA DORA - RAMONDA | Serbia 🇷🇸 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


We got a budget for this video! And we got some Serbian language. (Though I wish my language skills were better that I could get more lyrics than “Where”)


I want to go to wherever they shot this video because it looks beautiful.


I was really underwhelmed, but I feel like it sounds like one of those songs where I’m not that interested in it, and then somehow it wins. I feel like that orchestral stuff is so overdone.


I feel like I’m torn between feeling like it’s boring and feeling that I liked it.


What aspects would make you say that you liked it?


The Serbian language, and part of the arrangement.

As is, it’s a nice slower, ballad-y number, and I could see some people liking it.

Steve’s Ranking: Might grow on me

Chelsea’s Ranking: Boring and underwhelming

Ukraine : Alyona Alyona and Jerry Heil - “Teresa & Maria”

And now, Ukraine brings us a song about women doing shit… and by women, they literally do mean Mary mother of Jesus and… Mother Theresa. Very Catholic-tinged choices.

alyona alyona & Jerry Heil - Teresa & Maria | Ukraine 🇺🇦 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


From the subject matter, I was really expecting a boring, contemporary-christian sounding ballad. So, the thump thump thump thump of the kick drum, and dance-y (albeit slow) four on the floor beat are well-appreciated.

I love the ooohs, the choir elements, the chorus, and the rap which seems like it’s a bit out of left field.


I feel like the last three or four years (except 2023), Ukraine has sent such similar genre songs, which makes me want to seek out more Ukranian music.

I’m glad there were no subtitles, because I don’t know how heavily soaked in religious rhetoric it would be, but without them, it was great. I loved everything about it. They had really beautiful voices. I liked the catchiness of it, and I thought the little rap verse was really fun.

By the way, here’s a translation of the lyrics. They’re really not so bad.

Steve’s Ranking: Pleasantly surprised

Chelsea’s Ranking: Extravagant

First Semifinal, Second Half

Australia : Electric Fields - “One Milkali (One Blood)”

And now, it’s time for Chelsea to ask the inevitable question.


Let’s now talk again, why is Australia in Eurovision again?!? They’re not even in Europe! Wasn’t their time in the competition supposed to expire? How many more years do they have?


Oh yeah, their agreement expired, or whatever, but they were invited back. At least I heard that part of this song is in an aboriginal language.


Is it the word “Milkali” from the title? I bet it means blood.

Electric Fields - One Milkali (One Blood) | Australia 🇦🇺 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


So, are you still gonna hate on Australia after that?


Listen to me. I can absolutely love a song and still think that it’s weird to have them in the competition.

But I love that song. It was really, really lovely.


My favorite elements were the ’90s dance piano and the didgeridoo in the background, and I wish there was more of it.


What a couple of cute queerdos. I love that you think that they’re naked for, like, the whole music video. They were definitely inspired by the Brady Bunch intro where you have all of the characters in different boxes looking at different stuff around them.

Steve’s Ranking: It’s very nice

Chelsea’s Ranking: It’s in the top pile

Azerbaijan : Fahree feat. Ilkin Dovlatov - “Özünlə apar”

Azerbaijan was the last country to release their entry. Was their song worth waiting for?

FAHREE feat. Ilkin Dovlatov - Özünlə Apar | Azerbaijan 🇦🇿 | Showcase Performance | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


Is this in English? I thought this was going to not be in English.


Maybe it’ll switch…


This is what we were fucking waiting for!?


Well, if Azerbaijan wants to continue its non-qualification streak, it’s a decent contender.

I would like to say some positive things about the song though –

* laughter * Oh goodness, I can’t believe they cut to the guy in the back with an Akai pad controller hitting the pads as if he’s drumming live on it. That’s hilarious

– so I liked that they had some stuff in Azerbaijani, and I liked some of the vocal techniques on display.


Azerbaijan is really lucky to have you, Steve.

Steve’s Ranking: Needs more crooning

Chelsea’s Ranking: Nothing for me

Finland : Windows95man (feat. Henri Piispanen) - “No Rules!”

Finland’s entry should be a good palate cleanser…

Windows95man - No Rules! (Music Video) // UMK24
Click to load YouTube video.


We are solidly back in ’90’s influenced, uptempo dance territory, and not a moment too soon!

I love the queer/empowerment elements of the song.

The final key change clinches it.


I love Henri in the Britney Spears bodysuit.


That flew by too. Like, that felt like it was a minute long and not three. It was so fun.

Steve’s Ranking: An easy favorite

Chelsea’s Ranking: Enjoyed it

Iceland : Hera Björk - “Scared of Heights”

Hera Björk returns to Eurovision, fourteen years after her 2010 appearance…

Hera Björk - Scared of Heights | Iceland 🇮🇸 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


The YouTube comments savage this one, basically, saying “this sounds like a good entry… for Eurovision 2002!!” and – they’re not wrong.This is an uptempo pop number, with ye ol four to the floor beat and some soulful backing vocals.


I don’t know what they’re on about. I love it.


It does not have much staging going on.


Pulling at straws, babe. That’s fine.

I don’t think she’ll make it to the final. I bet you the studio version is a real car banger.


Yep, this sounds like a song you’d bop to in the car.

Steve’s Ranking: It’s fine

Chelsea’s Ranking: I’m too busy dancing to answer this question

Bjork’s 2010 entry, “Je ne sais quoi” sounds quite similar to this one, so feel free to check it out if you liked this song.

Luxembourg : Tali - “Fighter”

Luxembourg’s first entry to the contest in 30 years.

TALI - Fighter | Luxembourg 🇱🇺 | National Final Performance | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


I love the weird face-tapping choreography that opens this song. And, I love the French language. Tali seems likeable, and she brings good energy and mostly pleasant vocals.

The song feels a bit too flat for me, mostly sticking to the same reggaton-influenced beat. I like the bridge, and I feel like there are elements that work, but this is kinda boring.


Yeah, I think that I was on the same page as you. At the beginning, I was really into it, but towards the end, I changed my feelings. It felt too repetitive and a little boring.

Steve’s Ranking: EHhh

Chelsea’s Ranking: Middle of the Road

Moldova : Natalia Barbu - “In the Middle”

Speaking of middle of the road, the next entry is Moldolva’s “In the Middle.” Is that where it will land on the EUrovision score board?

Natalia Barbu - In The Middle | Moldova 🇲🇩 | National Final Performance | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


And here comes Moldolva, with a lot of short-haired blonde ladies, and some violins in the background. The track is building towards a dancey drop, but will it be enough?


I’m really waiting for them to pick up those violins.

Two minutes later, the violins are picked up.


That was the most underwhelming violin solo I’ve ever heard in my life.


It was like ten seconds.


Damn! There were so many things that could have made that song better.


Moldolva has been on a great streak of fun, memorable, crowd-pleasing entries, and this feels like a real break from that. The chorus in the performance sounds really off key, especially in the vocal pre-chorus refrain.

I’m not sure that I particularly liked it, even though I love the folky elements.

The violin performance was the most underwhelming thing I’ve seen today.


I liked that they pulled their violin bows out like they were arrows.

Steve’s Ranking: No sad violin playing from me when this fails to qualify

Chelsea’s Ranking: It was in the middle

This is Natalia Barbu’s second time participating in Eurovision. Her 2007 track, “The Fight” was much more metal-influenced.

Portugal : Iolanda - “Grito”

Next, the entry from Portugal …

iolanda - Grito | Portugal 🇵🇹 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


Iolanda presents us with a acoustic-guitar driven, Portuguese language ballad. But oh man,there’sa lovely bloopy synth that comes in, and choral backing vocals with copious reverb. And pounding drums.

Wow, this hits all of the cliche “epic” buttons in a really nice way. And she has a tremendous voice. I’d say, “I hope she can hit those notes live,” but this is a live performance where she hits them.

Love the staging with the weird lacey masks on the backing dancers.It really helps elevate it.

I fucking loved that.


I really disagree. At the beginning, I was like, oh no, here we go. It’s going to be a ballad-type thing. And then I thought, remember when Portugal gave you Maro, Chelsea? You should give this a chance. But, as it kept going, I realized that she wasn’t Maro, and it was fine. It sounded like all of those other Eurovision songs where they have a lady who hits a high note or sing-screams for a while, and you’re impressed with her vocal prowess, but there wasn’t anything really exciting.

Steve’s Ranking: Really good

Chelsea’s Ranking: Not great

Slovenia : Raiven - “Veronika”

Next, the entry from Slovenia …

Raiven - Veronika | Slovenia 🇸🇮 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


We have another overwrought sing-fest. The thing about this one, though, is that I like the verses and the build up a lot, but the chorus really doesn’t resonate with me at all. Maybe it’s the subtitle lyrics that auto-displayed, or the ‘vrrrat’ vocal sounds, or something else. I’m not quite sure.


It’s really funny that you said that.

I was prepared to just think that this was another blech type of song. But it surprised me. The chorus saved it. I’m into it.

Steve’s Ranking: Middle of heap

Chelsea’s Ranking: On the top of the middle of the heap

Our Favorites from the First Semifinal

Given that only ten songs will go through to the final, these are our hopes for qualifiers and non-qualifiers…


Q: Finland, Portugal, Croatia, Ukraine, Poland, Australia, Cyprus, Ireland, Serbia, Lithuania

NQ: Moldolva, Slovenia, Iceland, Luxembourg, Azerbaijan


Q: Iceland, Australia, Ukraine, Finland, Poland, Ireland, Cyprus, Croatia, Lithuania, Slovenia

NQ: Luxembourg, Moldova, Portuagal, Serbia, Azerbaijan

Second Semifinal, First Half

Albania : Besa - “Titan”

Albania’s entry was originally in Albanian, but it’s been revamped into English, and made worse in the process, is the consensus.

BESA - TITAN | Albania 🇦🇱 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


This sounds like a lot of things that get radio airplay. The opening lines

“You try and set a fire
Just to watch me burn”

Just sends me back to “Love the Way You Lie.” The build sounds like anyone else’s generic empowerment song. But, like with some banjo.

I can’t not snort a bit at the "I’m a Titan in Disguise" hook.

Okay, but the crazy thing is, the instrumental is occasionally surprisingly dynamic. It picks up a lot nicer after the first chorus, before settling into genericness again. And the final chorus has a nice extra drive to its beat. But it’s forgettable as hell.


I liked it! I thought it was catchy. At first, I was thinking I really wasn’t going to like it, but it picked up and I liked it.

“Titan in Disguise” is a really stupid thing to say, though.

Steve’s Ranking: Forgettable AF

Chelsea’s Ranking: Decent enough

Armenia : Ladaniva - “Jako”

And now, an Armenian duo…

LADANIVA - Jako | Armenia 🇦🇲 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


This sounds exactly like the sort of music I would love to hear at a really fun dance party somewhere getting further east in Eurasia – it would give me Balkan brass vibes if it was further west.

I love that the song is in Armenian. I love the time signature. I love the music video’s vibe and energy. The band is super cute.

This is what I want to see more of in Eurovision.


Yep. Agreed.

Steve’s Ranking: 100% Stannable

Chelsea’s Ranking: My top so far

Austria : Kaleen - “We Will Rave”

Next up, we find out whether Austrian entrant Kaleen knows what a rave is…

Kaleen - We Will Rave | Austria 🇦🇹 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


Austria has really been on a dance-heavy streak these last couple of years, and this is no exception.

I’m not sure how much I like the “dumb de dumb dumbs” in the pre-chorus, but I am certain I absolutely love the deeply necessary 303 solo.

The music video is a lot of fun if your idea of fun is watching Kaleen have her pick of buff, shirtless men.


Ummm… Yes!

And, are they going to put that next song in the next Need for Speed because that would be great racing car game music.

I only wish that they called it “We Will Rage” because you can rave to this, but it’s not really an explicitly rave song.


Yeah, this is a lot of fun, and a really well-executed dancey dance tune.

Steve’s Ranking: Really solid

Chelsea’s Ranking: It’s up there

Czechia : Aiko - “Pedestal”

How high on the Eurovision pedestal with Czech entrant Aiko wind up?

Aiko - Pedestal
Click to load YouTube video.


It’s time for… you guessed it… another self-empowerment anthem. This one combines crunchy rock bass, a fairly uptempo rock beat, and a shouty chorus. It would definitely be a good dance song at the right kind of party.

I really like what’s here, but I feel like I find the chorus a tad underwhelming, and the song a bit too repetitive.


I would say, when the song first starts out, it gave me really hard ’90s girl grunge energy, and I was living for it. I loved it. When the chorus comes in, it turns a little more into a Paramore-esque song. A little more 2010’s kind of vibes.

But all in all, I could definitely see myself playing this song pretty loud in the car.

Steve’s Ranking: It’s good enough

Chelsea’s Ranking: It’s great enough

Denmark : Saba - “Sand”


I’m typically not too into Denmark’s entries. Will that change this year?

SABA - SAND | Denmark 🇩🇰 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


Oh man.

“Hands” rhymes with “sand.”

This song makes me wonder how many similes can Saba make about losing someone? It’s like sand slipping through fingers. It’s like strangers in the night. It’s like she built a castle out of sand.


I love how much I can tell we’re on the same page on this one. As soon as the first pre-chorus build hit, we exchanged a knowing glance of disappointment.

Because, the verses and initial build are nice enough, but the wannabe anthemic chorus kills the momentum and makes the song bland and cliched and unsalvageable.


Yeah, this one is not great. But, maybe because it was so repetitive, I found myself singing along at the end, but the song was not great.

Steve’s Ranking: Forgettable

Chelsea’s Ranking: Like a castle built of sand

Greece : Marina Satti - “Zari”

Time to take a tour of Athens…

Marina Satti - ZARI | Greece 🇬🇷 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


That was so fun! I loved it!!!


I feel like there were some elements that I might not love, or didn’t love at first, but the whole song was so nice. (These parts being, the hard-hitting-ness of the dance beat in the chorus, and the way some of the high notes in the beginning vocal part sounded through the TV speakers.)

But, I would really bop to this being played on a bus, or like, at a souvlaki shop.

The music video is a ton of fun, I love the representation of Athens and the Greek language, and this really feels like the complete package.

Oh, and I bet this one is also gonna have a “dance break.”

Steve’s Ranking: Stannable AF

Chelsea’s Ranking: 10/10

Malta : Sarah Bonnici - “Loop”

Next, the entry from Malta …

Sarah Bonnici - Loop | Malta 🇲🇹 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


I feel like we have so many uptempo bop numbers that I’m starting to… miss… the ballads.


Oh my god, shut up, because I’m loving the fact that I have so many songs in my “I love this bop” category, and I only have a few under “ick, this is a ballad.”


And I feel like the song’s theme of having your love on loop… reminds me of “Replay.”

It’s pretty well-produced, the choice of refrain allows for a lot of “ooo’s”, but I’m less into the 1-2-3-style of beat than others. So, it doesn’t quite hit my boxes.

Chelsea’s Ranking: Certifiable Banger

Steve’s Ranking: Certifiable Mash

Switzerland : Nemo - “The Code”

And next up, we have Nemo signing about their non-binary identity, apparently with a high-voiced part and a low-voiced part…

Nemo - The Code | Switzerland 🇨🇭 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


I love this song through and through. The only part I’m a little sketchy on is the “I’ve been to hell and back” in the chorus, but hey, it’s not my lived experience.

I love that this song features both rap and opera, because it’s a surefire way to alienate everyone who is musically prejudiced.


I loved it.

Steve’s Ranking: Life-affirming

Chelsea’s Ranking: Tippity-tippity top top top

Second Semifinal, Second Half

Belgium : Mustii - “Before the Party’s Over”

Next, the entry from Belgium …

Mustii - Before the Party’s Over | Belgium 🇧🇪 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


The video opens a bit confusingly…it’s hard to tell if Mustii is in a glitter sauna or a discoteque dungeon. The camerea is happy to linger on his glistening body. Maybe he’s just getting ready for a really kinky party.

I feel like I really like the build up, of the verses, especially the synth in the lower register in the first verse, but again, this is one where the chorus falls flat. It just feels like it’s going in too low key of a direction.

And, alas, the song is bringing more Hooverphonic and less Gustaphe.


That was really underwhelming. It’s really in my bottoms. Nothing could save it, not even the miraculous shiny glistening skin.

Chelsea’s Ranking: Terrible

Steve’s Ranking: Dull as (glistening) dishwater

Estonia : 5miinust and Puuluup - “(Nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi”

And now, Estonia, which boasts the least memorable title to a non-Estonian speaker…

5MIINUST x Puuluup - (nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi | Estonia Official Video 🇪🇪
Click to load YouTube video.


We are firmly back in the territory of “songs I wouldn’t mind seeing win.” It’s got some really lovely lyre-link instrumentation, while sounding like something you could have a fun sort of dancey hoedown to. And it does it without sounding hokey at all. I’m not really describing it well.

The music video is a lot of fun too..


Yeah, I like when they eat chips. It was a really, really fun song.

Chelsea’s Ranking: Very enjoyable

Steve’s Ranking: Super dope

Georgia : Nutsa Buzaladze - “Firefighter”

Will Georgia’s entrant put out fires, or ignite them?

Nutsa Buzaladze - Firefighter | Georgia 🇬🇪 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


We have yet another vocal powerhouse, hitting most notes at 100% in a repetitive, dancey number rhyming things like “thunder”/“stronger”/“forever”.

I was really hopingto see Nutsa rescue some cats from a tree, maybe give a lecture about the importance of fire extinguishers, or maybe be chasing after a big red truck…


Instead, she was just in the middle of a ring of fire, humping the ground.

There was also some rain, at some point.


Obviously, you need an excuse to have them spray water on her shirt, though.


It was a pretty mediocre song, though. I’m really curious how they’ll do the stanging, and if she can actually do the singing.


I think she’s done a lot of competition show type things, so she can probably actually sing.


That’s good. Because, she’ll need to.

Steve’s Ranking: Forgettable

Chelsea’s Ranking: Mediocre

Israel : Eden Golan - “Hurricane”

In 2022, Russia invaded Ukraine. Initially, organizers didn’t seem to have a response in mind. A number of national broadcasters threatened that they would pull out from the competition if Russia was present, and this caused the European Broadcasting Union to exclude them from the contest. (Of course, Russia then stated that they sure didn’t want to participate anyway.)

On October 7th, Hamas perpetrated a terror attack on Israel, killing 1,139 people, and taking 250 hostages. The response from Israel has been a completely dispoportionate escalation of force, largely impacting Palestinian civilians with no role in the conflict.

Today, in 2024 Israel is killing an estimated 250 Palestinians a day – a higher average death toll than any modern conflict., forcing civilians into ‘safe zones’ that are than bombarded, and an estimated death toll of 30,000 is likely conservative. 70% of these casualties have been women and children.

There are numerous instances in which Israeli government officials voiced their genocidal intent. Israeli Defense Minister Yoav Gallant and various military leaders referred to Palestinians as “human animals.” Benjamin Netenyahu promised to turn population centers into rubble.

President Isaac Herzog blamed all of Palestine for the October attack, saying “this rhetoric about civilians not aware, not involved, is absolutely not true (…) we will fight until we break their backbone”

Israel Katz, the Minister of Energy and Infrastructure said “All the civilian population in Gaza is ordered to leave immediately. We will win. They will not receive a drop of water or a single battery until they leave the world.”

The October 7th terror attack was a tragedy, but it has been used to help motivate a considerably larger tragedy – orders of magnitude more innocent people are suffering and dying in response to circumstances outside their control, events they had no role in.

Israel’s entry to Eurovision specifically is about the October 7th terror attack. By presenting a song about brave Israeli resilience, it unfortunately fits with rhethoric in which Israel remains a victim rather than a perpetrator of genocide and ethnic cleansing. It functions, in part, to justify these acts.

Very few European countries had any objections at all to Israeli participation in Eurovision. Iceland said they would see if their artist still wanted to participate if Israel was going, but they have elected to remain in the competition.

The track was originally named “October Rain,” and the European Broadcasting Union required lyrical changes. (The new title “Hurricane” rhymes and has the same number of syllables. 🤔)

For a moment, it seemed as if Israel was going to refuse to make the changes and bow out of the competition that way, a la Belarus in 2021. But alas, they are in.

I will not, in good conscious, embed the song, listen to the song, or write about the song any more than I already have. (I have read the lyrics, of course, but that’s it.)

And, there are plenty of people, friends of mine included, who are boycotting the competition entirely in response to Israel’s participation. I may join them.

Latvia : Dons - “Hollow”

Let’s take some deep breaths, and await some soothing piano from Latvia…

Dons - Hollow | Latvia 🇱🇻 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


Latvia’s music video looks like it was shot with a GoPro and a budget of about $20. It opens with a bald man playing the piano, while occasionally someone’s hands happen to be in the frame and grab him. He is sent to a quarry full of other bald men in blue tracksuits.

If the music video is representative of the staging, then I can picture Dons’ choreography. He will move as little as possible.

As for the song, it’s nice that we have a male-led slow ballad. It is, however, not remarkable in any way.


Yeah, it was one of those ones where I was pretty underwhelmed for the most part. But again, by the very end, I thought it was kinda catchy. Still, pretty forgettable.

Steve’s Ranking: Honestly, it can stay in the quarry

Chelsea’s Ranking: A little hollow

Netherlands : Joost Klein - “Europapa”

Next, the entry from Netherlands …

Joost Klein - Europapa | Netherlands 🇳🇱 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


If the definition of a Eurovision entry is a “song for Europe,” then this is one, with a strong message of pride for Europe, its many cultures, languages, and cuisines, and the ability of foilks to use the same currency and cross between countries without borders. It’s quite a political topic for the “no politics” rule, but that rule is applied with so many ouble standards.


It was really fun, I liked it.


The pitch-shifted pa pa’s were my favorite part, the chorus was a lil too repetitive, but it’s a lovely tune.


Yeah. It’s my favorite so far!

Steve’s Ranking: Really good

Chelsea’s Ranking: My top rightnow

Norway : Gåte - “Ulveham”

Next, the entry from Norway …

Gåte - Ulveham | Norway 🇳🇴 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


Fuck yeah! They have a keyed violin!? I love that.


My mom would love this. It sounds like Evanescence.


Yeah, but ilke Norwegian eavanesence. I love the drum fill before the chorus, and then like the rest in the instrumentation. And their singer can really croon.


Yeah, the singer is amazing. And I do like that her voice is paired with this type of music, but it is really giving me flashbacks to middle school and some of the stuff they’d play on 99.7 The Blitz.

Steve’s Ranking: A lot of fun

Chelsea’s Ranking: Not necessarily my thing, but cute

San Marino : Megara - “11:11”

Next up, San Marino continues its streak of sending random rock songs by artists from other countries…

MEGARA - 11:11 | San Marino 🇸🇲 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


Two observations:

  1. This is probably better than the last two rock songs San Marino sent, but it’s a low bar.
  2. The band seems to think that being dressed like a 2003-era punk is the most salacious thing imaginable. Which it isn’t, but I enjoyed when they were briefly in their unicorn onesies, and if they wore those for the whole video I’d be so much more inclined to let this underwhelming song slide.


It was very reminicient of 2003, and not even in a good way like Iceland’s was. I did like their unicorn onesies, and it did look like there was a part where there was some girl on girl action, which was fun.

Steve’s Ranking: Not my cup of tea

Chelsea’s Ranking: Two stars. Everyone can deduce whether it’s out of five or ten.

Our Favorites from the Second Semifinal

Again, here’s our set of countries we hope to see as qualifiers or non-qualifiers for the finalé.


Q: Switzerland, Armenia, Estonia, Greece, Austria, Netherlands, Czechia, Malta, Norway, Latvia

NQ: Georgia, Albania, Belgium, Denmark, San Marino, Israel


Q: Netherlands, Switzerland, Armenia, Malta, Estonia, Greece, Austria, Norway, Czechia, Albania

NQ: Denmark, San Marino, Latvia, Georgia, Belgium, Israel

Automatic Qualifiers

Sweden : Marcus & Martinus - “Unforgettable”

Somehow, Sweden, hosting on their home soil, has selected… a pair of Norwegian twins.

Marcus & Martinus - Unforgettable | Sweden 🇸🇪 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


Oh, good, they have the words in the background of their performance.


Well, yeah, you might forget what they were otherwise.


Ooh. I’m not mad about this. But, I wish they weren’t singing. I wish it was just the backing track.


Honestly, the main riff sounds like something I could program into my Korg Volca Bass, but like something I wouldn’t use because I thought it was too simple and repetitive.


Well, I like it. I thought I was gonna dislike it a lot more than I did.


I mean, it’s inoffensive, but it doesn’t grip me in any way.

Steve’s Ranking: Not memorable

Chelsea’s Ranking: How quickly can I annoy Steve by singing this on repeat throughout the house

France : Slimane - “Mon amour”

Next, the entry from France …

Slimane - Mon Amour | France 🇫🇷 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


We find ourselves in firm male piano ballad territory, with some nice emotive high notes. The question, then, is whether the track builds to an emotional catharsis, or at least has a nice drop.


That is a dope sweater vest.


I liked it. I think it built roughly to a nice emotional catharsis. The piano was tasteful; the singing, excellent.


Yeah, I mean it’s a ballad. But, a ballad in French is better than a ballad not in French. And he brought it.

There were a few lines where I thought if I was trying to learn to speak French phrases really fluently, I’d repeat them over and over again.

Steve’s Ranking: Oui oui

Chelsea’s Ranking: Oui

Germany : Isaak - “Always on the Run”

Will Germany “run” to last place again, like it always seems to?

ISAAK - Always On The Run | Germany 🇩🇪 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


“I am nothing but the average” is not a good line to open your Eurovision track with.

We’ve got a sort of power pop tune with powerful male vocals. It’s a bit generic, but tasteful. I feel like the verses have a couple bass notes I like, and the final build up is really nice and layered. It’s a well-produced track, and it’s nice that it changes things up instead of being totally same, same, even though it’s kind of generic and forgettable.


His movements in the lightning storm were so entertaining to me. I was living for it. I feel bad because he has a pretty descent voice, but I feel like whoever told him to perform this song was really messing with him.

We don’t need all these run-un-un-un na-na-na hee’s, and I can’t get over his dance moves in the storm. It looked like hea had a headache.

Steve’s Ranking: Nothing but the average

Chelsea’s Ranking: I just want to give him a hug

Italy : Angelina Mango - “La noia”

Next, the entry from Italy …

Angelina Mango - La noia | Italy 🇮🇹 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


Everything about that music video was incredible. Her fashion was fantastic.

I dream of the day when I get to lay in an empty wading pool while my friends get to braid every inch of my seven feet of hair, and then I get to hang them on a clothesline.

God, she’s so cool. I love everything about it. It’s so dancey and upbeat, but it still had a lot of flamenco-y elements that were really cool.


Yeah, I liked that a lot. It was impeccable.

Steve’s Ranking: A top bop

Chelsea’s Ranking: Impeccable

Spain : Nebulossa - “Zorra”

Next, the entry from Spain …

Nebulossa - ZORRA | Spain 🇪🇸 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


That was fun. I love that there was a 56-year old woman totally owning her sexuality. That’s dope.


I liked the hyperpop elements of it, and it only makes me wish it were more hyperpoppy.

Steve’s Ranking: Really, really good

Chelsea’s Ranking: A+

United Kingdom : Olly Alexander - “Dizzy”

The UK hyped up there entry, produced by none other than Danny L. Harle, formerly of PC Music fame…

Olly Alexander - Dizzy | United Kingdom 🇬🇧 | Official Music Video | Eurovision 2024
Click to load YouTube video.


I really don’t need this video to make me this dizzy.


Do you think we’ll have more than one spinning thing on stage?


So, I can absolutely hear Danny L Harle in the arpeggios, but it’s certainly not enough to make me love the song. I just don’t like Alexander’s voice that much, and the refrain “won’t you make me dizzy for your kisses” literally makes no sense.

I liked the bridge and the final chorus, and parts of the production, but I’m really underwhelmed.


I actually agree with you completely. I wish that they had a different singer, and the lyrics were just different, because that song would have been prime shit. But, that was not it.

Steve’s Ranking: Underwhelming

Chelsea’s Ranking: When will they have a Eurovision with absolutely no singing?

Preliminary Favorites

After listening to these tracks, we were both super tired, but these were our favorites:


Top-Top: Finland, Netherlands, Italy, Estonia, Armenia

Top: Greece, Portugal, Switzerland, Ukraine

Still Rad: Croatia, Spain, Australia, Ireland, Poland


Top-Top: Italy, Netherlands, Armenia, Iceland, Greece

Top: Czechia, Spain, Australia, Ukraine, Malta

Still Rad: Estonia, Finland, Switzerland, Poland, Austria

Thanks for reading!

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