This post contains real, barely edited text message conversations for all the verisimilitude readers demand when you promise the tale of an awful night in a motel.

Friend: How long has it taken you to go all that way?

Me: I’ve been on the road since the day before labor day, but I’ve been taking my sweet time in many locations: Milwaukee, Pittsburgh, Yellowstone… and also taking a bunch of detours.

Me: My tripometer is ~3.5k miles

Friend: Sounds real nice

Friend: Where have you stayed the night?

The answer was mostly at campsites, but after my tire excursion, I decided to finally grab a shower and sleep indoors for a change.

I’m a cheapskate, (actually, let’s be polite and say I’m “frugal”), so my hotel of choice was the Motel 6 in Rigby, Idaho. I soon found myself wishing I slept outside instead.

Me: Dude check this out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIk1M0JBTBQ

Friend: That’s some real ASMR

Friend: I like it

Me: it’s probably the best thing to come out of pc music in yrs tbh

Friend: Damn. That’s saying something

Me: I can hear a lot of shouting and fighting through these motel walls… and have now complained to the management

Me: Clearly I should’ve stuck with tent camping

Me: i’m actually hoping the cops show up tbh

Me: what a fucking day

Friend: Some kind of nasty domestic situation?

Me: I feel bad for the kid at the front desk

Friend: Yikes. Stay safe if it escalates

Me: well I have my room fully locked & whatnot

Friend: That’s good

Friend: Hope it gets resolved

Me: I can hear him yelling at the desk guy and the desk guy going, “if you can’t calm down I’ll have to call the police”

Me: “call the police” says the man who appears to have stomped back to his room

Friend: Oh great…

Friend: Can you make out what the shouting is about?

Me: No, just general domestic violence / deranged masculinity afaict

Me: I think the cops are getting called

Friend: I’m sure the cops will save the day

Friend: Guess as long as they get him to shut up, that’s all you need

Me: fuck all I want to do is switch my light off and go to sleep

Me: but god knows when my adrenaline is going to return to normal

Friend: Soon, I hope

Me: I can hear him yelling “suck my dick” at the poor desk worker

Friend: Never good being on the other side of the wall from that shit

Friend: Maybe this dude is drunk

Me: I would assume so

Me: I think the cops are here

Friend: Perfect nightcap to a perfect day

Friend: Jesus

Friend: I hope that means you can finally get some peace

Me: the guy is now going “I’m okay” and acting giggly

Me: the cop seems to want him to leave for “a drink of water”

Friend: Definitely strung out

Me: they sound very friendly

Friend: the cops?

Me: looks like the cops just left

Me: after their buddy buddy chat with the man who was yelling “suck my dick” five minutes before they arrived

Friend: Issue resolved?

Me: we’ll see

Friend: Odd if they didn’t arrest him…

Friend: Hope for the best

Me: yeah not quite sure, but sounds eerily silent now

Me: they’re still in there, they’ve just been dead silent since the cops came

Me: this I know, as I called the front desk to say thank you, and the guy asked, “have they been better?”

Friend: Guess whatever they said was effective

Me: Oh, now this dude is screaming about how he didn’t do anything wrong and isn’t a bad guy,

Me: i think they just moved him to another room

Me: anyway dude started up again so i figured i’d complain so i got to hear him attempt to alternate intimidating and schmoozing the front desk guy

Me: I’m just going to call it a night